imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
