I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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