He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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