Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
