I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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