Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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