he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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