I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
