hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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