no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
