She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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