After last night, I could never be a politician.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
