he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
