I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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