even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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