I want to make a zoo with you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
false alarm, still single
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
