oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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