great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
