I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
