Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
