So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
