dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
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He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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