I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
