dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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