I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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