I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Too much gin, very little bucket
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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