I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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