he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
