i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
