I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
