This is the prime rib incident all over again
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
