That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
