On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
