it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
