sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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