And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
