i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
