This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
