we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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