Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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