just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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