he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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