in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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