I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just pee around me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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