to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
