She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
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He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
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I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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