just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
