Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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