You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
