Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
