I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Help. Why am I so naked?
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