Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
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The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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