Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
