apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
