Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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