i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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