I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
