something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
