make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
