When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
