God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
